Waiting

There are only 9 days left until Charlotte's due date, and I can simply describe my life with one word - waiting. Nothing new is going on with our little one, she is still peacefully content in her accomodations, so I wait. While I am waiting, I thought I'd share how Brendan and I came about the name for our daughter, Charlotte Grace.

Charlotte - Charlotte was my mother's name. She passed away 4 years ago, and I have always felt a strong desire to honor her by naming our first daughter after her. Which leads to little Charlotte's middle name...

Grace - While Brendan and I think Grace is a beautiful name, the story behind it is far more beautiful. I was blessed to have parents and family who raised me to love God and believe in who He says He is in the Bible. When I was 11, I recognized my need for a Savior and that I needed to accept the free gift of grace that God, through His son Jesus, offered to me. But it wasn't until many years later that I fully experienced God's grace in my life.

During college, I decided that I really didn't need God in the everydayness of my life. Even though I never said it outloud, I believed I was in control of my life and that I could deal with the consequences of my actions....and my actions weren't glorifying the God I had placed my faith in when I was 11. In truth I was running from God, but God never stopped pursuing me. During my junior year, I found out that my mom had been struggling with an addiction to prescription medications for 10 years and more recently with alcoholism. This blew my world apart. And because I wasn't trusting God, I started trying to control things myself....I was going to fix my mom and I was going to keep my family together (my parent's had decided to get a divorce).

For about 3 years my mom's addiction continued. I knew my mom had placed her faith in Christ and I had seen the evidence of it in her life, but the worse her addiction got the more frustrated I became at her for not "fixing" herself. In hindsight I can see that she wasn't trusting God to be bigger than her temptations and sins, but at the time I was just angry that she was hurting me and many others who she loved. At a point, I finally gave up and decided that I couldn't possibly love my mother any more. I had tried to fix things, I had asked God to fix things (my way, of course), but I didn't see that God was doing something much bigger than I could imagine.

In the summer of 2005, my mom's body finally lost the battle with her addictions, and she died. This was not the fix I had prayed for. And even though I knew my mother had accepted Christ, I spent 3 days after her death believing that there was no way she could be in heaven. I believed her sins were too great and that God couldn't have possibly forgiven her for all the pain she had caused. I finally cried out to the Lord for answers. Crying in bed and asking God to explain why things had ended up the way they had, God spoke clearly to me and got my attention! I can't remember the exact words but I heard something like this, "Anne, you are just as much a sinner as your mom was. Her sins were no greater because they seemed big to you or hurt you. You both need my grace, and I will never take it away from you." Wow! I got it! I was just as much a sinner as my mother, but God wasn't going to take away his grace from me...or her. I can't really explain the peace and understanding that flooded my soul at that point. (Really, you'll only be able to understand that peace when you've experienced God's grace for yourself and placed your faith in Christ as your Savior.) It was in that moment when I heard the Lord speak that I turned my life back over to Him. I stopped running from Him and started running toward Him.

God used something ugly and painful - my mom's death - for me to experience something beautiful and life-changing - His grace. Brendan and I want our daughter's name to carry that meaning with it.

Full Term!!

Charlotte is full term today! She and I both are continuing to do well. We visited the doctor yesterday, and I think we are on track for possibly the most boring and uneventful pregnancy ever! I'm actually extremely grateful for this - my most notable pregnant moment was feeling a little queasy and tired for about 6 weeks during my first trimester. Since then things have gone relatively smooth...I haven't even had any strange or strong food cravings. Brendan did figure out one day a few weeks ago that I possibly have a general craving for all breakfast foods. I'm quite happy eating cereal for lunch and pancakes or waffles are my favorite dinner. This has made Brendan very happy as he could live off cereal alone!

Today, we got a tour of the hospital, Rex Women's Center, where we'll be having little Charlotte. While we were waiting in the lobby for the tour to start, we got to witness a family receiving the news from a new father that his son had just been born! I know this brought tears to my eyes, and I believe that Brendan's eyes were a bit watery too. :) It was so sweet to witness this since we'll be experiencing the same thing VERY soon.

Also while at the hospital we had our car seat inspected. My dad laughed at that when I told him! I think Brendan and I were expecting this to be a little more like an annual car inspection - someone reviews how we've installed the car seat, shows us any changes, and then gives us some kind of documentation that our car seat is approved. Ummm, our experience was more like this: I get out of the car to find out where we need to go to have the "inspection" done. An older man talking on a cell phone asks me if he can help me. I say "Yes, we're looking to get our car seat inspected." Not putting down his phone, the man comes over to our car and fiddles around with the car seat, occasionally sharing some bits of advice with Brendan. One-handed (he is still talking on the phone), he adjusts our car seat base and re-levels the car seat. He stops his phone conversation for a moment to point out to Brendan and I what he did and tells us that we're all set. Then he continues his phone conversation! :) That was it. While we're happy to have the car seat installed properly, we're not exactly sure why there is such a big deal made out of getting it inspected if you don't even get any proof that you did it. Oh well, one more thing off our checklist.

29 days and counting

Take a look at our Booger Kinne countdown - as I did today - and you'll notice that Charlotte (our little Booger) has a mere 29 days left in the womb...we hope! Maybe more, maybe less, but 29 days until her due date.

Today we had our 36 week dr appt - we're going every week now. Everything is still going well and on schedule. For those of you who have made predictions that Charlotte will come early (you know who you are!), sorry to disappoint you but there are no indications that she will come earlier than expected. She's measuring at 36 weeks and has also decided to get her head down and butt up!

I have also wrapped up my time working at Southbridge, so today was my first full day at home. I'm glad to have a few weeks (hopefully!) of rest before Charlotte arrives.

We'll continue to keep everyone posted as we get closer to our little one's arrival!

Charlotte Grace Kinne

It has been a while since we have made a post here on our blog...though it has been primarily because of our non-stop preparation for the arrival of Charlotte Grace. She is a blessed child already, I can tell you that much. We have spent the last two weeks preparing her room and it looks great! Crown molding is up, painted and looking sharp. Her bookcase, dresser and crib (pictures below) are setup. Her closet is starting to get organized - baby clothing is VERY small. It has been really fun getting everything put together, especially with it all coming together so nicely.

Last weekend was also Charlotte's baby shower, that was put together so wonderfully by some of Anne's friends here in Raleigh. A few of Anne's family members came from Texas and Virginia to surprise her and spoil Charlotte with some wonderful gifts. We THANK all of our family and friends that have blessed us with "little treasures" for our child. She has more things in the house than I (Brendan) do!

The big item to put together this weekend was the crib. I was able to complete it this afternoon in about an hour, with a little help from Anne. Proof is in the pictures below. (Sorry about the quality, but our camera is broken and we are using a back up!)


BEFORE AND AFTER

I thought I loved you then...

So far, our blog hasn't consisted of many, if any, gushy writings. But when Brendan and I set out to start keeping this blog, we did so with the intention of sharing what God is doing in our lives.

Well, this past week Brendan has been on a business trip to Hong Kong. And despite our Skype-ing abilities, we haven't been able to talk much. The 12 hour time difference has been very awkward...my morning is his evening and vice versa. That sounds simple enough except when you factor in that Brendan is out to dinner in his evenings and I've been out of the house for most of mine, so there haven't been many times when we've been able to connect.

In addition to not getting the opportunity to talk much, I think the closer we get to my due date (we're in the 3rd trimester now!) the more I am cherishing the alone time I get with my husband...its becoming more real. So, I miss him more this week than I have on any of his recent travels.

That's not the end of my gushing though...actually, it brings me to the point. In the past few days Brendan and I have been apart, God has given me a new perspective on how much our love has changed in the 6 years since we met. I can't say I gained this perspective in my alone times with God. In truth, it started while listening to a country song! I don't listen to much country anymore but happened to in the past few days. Some of you may already know where I'm headed based on the title of this post..."I Thought I Loved You Then" by Brad Paisley. Yep, I can be a sucker for sappy country songs.

What I began to be so amazed by was how much God has changed and molded Brendan and I's love for each other! I really have to laugh at what we thought was "love" when we first said those words to each other 6 years ago. I was running from my relationship with the Lord...trying to control my life my own way. Brendan believed in God, but hadn't placed his faith in Him. We were both very far from the Lord when we met, but God was pursuing us!!

What I thought was love for Brendan 6 years ago, and even 3 years ago when we married, is nothing compared to the love I know now that the rock and cornerstone of our marriage is Jesus Christ. It is so much more than some feeling of happiness that I can't explain, or wanting to always be around him (because there are days when I don't!), or just thinking that he's my best friend who I want to spend the rest of my life with. No, the love I know for him now is a desire to love him unconditionally because that's the way God loves me. It's not easy, but its a whole lot less selfish than the love I used to have for Brendan. Our love, I've learned, isn't really about us at all...its about God and about others coming to know Him because of this unselfish love they witness in mine and Brendan's marriage.

I thought I loved him then....but I really had no idea what true love was. I can't wait to see how our love continues to grow, especially with the addition of a new family member to share that love with!